The Kaiba Saga
by spiderchick23
Summary: Thanks to Mokuba, Kaiba's forced to spend time with Yugi, Jonouchi, and the rest. What secrets will be revealed? YAOI. SxJ YYxY BxR
1. The start of it all

Hello my fellow yu-gi-oh fans!!! I finally changed the format to story mode, for those of you that read my original. (It's not on anymore, they kicked it off…_sob_) If you didn't read it before, well, you are now so it doesn't matter anyway. Just a few comments before I start the story…

If you like anzu or Honda, I **strongly** suggest that you don't read this fic, you'll be quite unhappy…

This fic contains yaoi. Nothing romantic, this is a comedy, it's mainly weird jokes and stuff like that.

There's profanity in this fic. I mean, jeeze, its rated PG 13, what did you expect?

Yeah, I'm going to be making fun of nearly every single character. I have nothing against them, but, well, some of them kinda had it coming to them. I mean, have you noticed that every one of kaiba's computer technicians is female? I mean, the guy does live a lonely life…

Disclaimer: I don't own yu-gi-oh. I will not repeat myself every chapter and if you think I could somehow earn the rights to it between chapters then you're too much of an idiot to read my fic in the first place.

Now that that's over with, time for the new, revamped, redone chapter one!!!

----

It was another regular morning at the Kaiba Household. The sun was shining, birds were chirp- well, no, the birds weren't chirping. Kaiba had ordered the guards to shoot them all, but it was still a happy morning for most.

It was Friday, the first day of a three-day weekend, so both Kaiba and Mokuba were off of school. They were doing what they always did on weekends. Kaiba would sit at the table, reading stock quotes, and Mokuba would flip through the morning mail nonchalantly, looking for something interesting.

But this morning, Mokuba found something unusual…

"Uh, big brother?" he figured Kaiba should know about this.

"hm..." Kaiba grunted in response. Mokuba guessed that that meant he had his attention.

"I found something weird in the mail." Kaiba almost looked panicked. Mokuba wondered why he would get so upset at a simple statement.

"I swear, mokuba, those magazines aren't mine, the security guards order them, I don't even find those girls attractive!!!"

"Girls?"

"uh…never mind. Continue on, mokuba."

Mokuba gave his brother a strange look before continuing. "We received a letter addressed to Gozaburo. What do you want me to do with it?"

"Just throw it away Mokuba, I don't need any of the old guy's subscriptions, I have my own".

"Subscriptions for what?"

"uh…technical magazines…y'know…for video games…"

"uh-huh…" mokuba wondered why gozaburo would have video game magazines, but he left it at that.

He took another look at the letter. "but Seto, this looks important."

"Fine, give it here." Kaiba had retained his usual calm and cool composer. He wasn't going to let a little slip up like that mess him up, oh no he wasn't…

"Looks like one of Gozaburo's relatives died and left him a house. It doesn't concern us , so I'll get rid of it."

Kaiba moved to go throw it away, but mokuba stopped him.

"Wait, Seto, can I have the house?"

Kaiba looked at his brother, puzzled. "Why? We have a house."

"I don't want to live with you my whole life, seto. I want to be free. WHY won't you let me LIVE!?! WHY???"

Kaiba continued to stare at Mokuba. "Are you… practicing for a bad soap opera or something?"

"Uh, actually, yes, for school. I get to play the little diabetic boy who goes into a coma in the first episode."

"…anyway… if you want your own house so bad, I can just buy you one when you move out."

"But I want this one!!!"

"Why!?!" Kaiba was getting tired of this argument.

"um… I dunno."

"Argh! Mokuba, you are being stupid, you are not getting this house!"

"Please?" Mokuba stared up at his big brother, using the full effect of his chibi eyes.

"Ahh…stop that. That isn't going to work this time, so just knock it off!"

Mokuba could feel his brother starting to crack, so he went all out chibi on him.

"…You suck…"

"So I get the house?"

"Yes, just knock it off already."

"Well, what do we have to do?"

Seto re-read the letter carefully. "Apparently, all we have to do is stay in it for three days. Wait, didn't I see a horror movie like this once?"

"Don't worry Seto, I can do it myself if you don't want to go!"

Kaiba glanced at his brother. "Uh-uh, no way, you get scared way to easily. There is no way you'd be able to be by yourself for three days."

"I do not get scared!"

"Then how come last time I let you watch a horror movie, I woke up in the middle of the night to you clutching my leg and sobbing?"

"I was only seven!"

"Yeah, and now you're, what, ten?"

"Well, if you don't trust me, I guess you have to come with me."

"Just go with a security guard."

Mokuba looked up at his brother. "did you forget? It's a holiday weekend. All employees are off."

"what!?! What if someone try's to assassinate me?"

"To be fair, Seto, most of the people that try to kill you work for you. In fact, I think a few of the security guards have tried to kill you, too."

"Oh yeah…"

"See, you have to come with me."

Kaiba looked aggravated, but he finally succumbed to his brother's wish. "Fine. But we're leaving now. I want to get this over with as soon as possible."

Mokuba then got an idea. "Seto…can I bring some friends along, too?"

"Don't be stupid, Mokuba." Kaiba quickly left the room to go pack, before his brother started using his chibi eyes again.

"He didn't exactly say no…" Mokuba ran over to the phone. He knew exactly who to call…

Seto had been acting grumpy lately (even more so than usual) so Mokuba was going to force him to have fun this weekend. Maybe even become friends with Yugi and the rest.

Maybe he could even get a girlfriend. "Wait, what am I thinking? The only girl among them is Anzu. Oh well, maybe Seto's bent. He does like rainbows… Jonouchi does too, in fact. Oh ewww…"

Trying to forget the mental picture he just got, Mokuba called Yugi. After a while, Mokuba finally convinced Yugi that Kaiba wasn't trying to kill him again. (he had quite a reputation…)

"Ok, sounds fun, I call everyone else for you, Mokuba. You need to go pack."

"thanks Yugi."

"no prob-" Mokuba could no longer hear Yugi's voice. It was cut off by someone yelling in the background, and he kept hearing weird explosions every few seconds. He couldn't understand what the person was yelling. It sounded almost like… Egyptian!?!

"Er, sorry Mokuba, Yami's having problems with the microwave again, I got to go."

Mokuba could hear Yugi yelling to someone in the background. "for Ra's sake, get the fire extinguisher Yami!" –_click_-

Mokuba just stared at the phone for a few minutes. He left to go pack, figuring that it wasn't his problem.

- - -

That's it for now. Chapter two coming somewhat soon! Er, maybe February? I dunno. Anyway, see ya next time!


	2. Kaiba learns the truth

Hey, and welcome to chp. 2! I updated a lot faster than I thought I would, but that kinda happens when you're left alone on New Years Eve with a cookie cake and soda… so, yeah… sorry that this is so short...

Disclaimer- The girl known as spiderchick23 does not own yu-gi-oh. This is a site called FAN Why would I be writing this, on this site, if I owned yu-gi-oh? Also, why would any of the characters have shirts if I owned it? Think, people, think…

Warnings- this fic is rated PG 13 for a reason. Maybe not yet, but it will be. (If I'm a good author, that is…hehehe…) character bashing, but nothing too bad. (Except anzu and Honda, but they deserve it.)

-------

With everything finally packed (took Kaiba a while to find a suitcase big enough for his trench coats…) Mokuba dragged Kaiba to the garage, to find a car suitable enough for the two hour long car trip ahead of them.

"Limo drivers are on vacation, too, aren't they?"

"Yes, Seto, everyone deserves a vacation once in a while…"

"No they don't…"

"What was that?"

"Er, nothing. Anyway, what do you want us to drive in?

"Can we take the van?"

"…The van… you want ME…to be seen driving THAT…in PUBLIC!?! That's what the maids use to transport cleaning supplies!!! I've never even TOUCHED that car!!!"

"Calm down Seto! We need something big enough to hold everyone!" Mokuba clamped his hand over his mouth, realizing his slip-up at the last second, but it was too late… Kaiba's left eye was already twitching.

"…everyone?… you invited THEM, didn't you..."

"uh, no?"

"Remember what I told you about lying, Mokuba? Looks like you'll have to be punished…"

Mokuba's eyes grew wide with fear. "No, not that, please!"

That's right, it was the absolute, most fearsome punishment ever! It's even been rumored that terrorists use it as a last measure…

"I'll go on this trip with you Mokuba… but when we get home… I'm going to call HER…"

"oh god no!!!"

This had happened to Mokuba twice before, only used when Kaiba was super pissed. The horrible torturer known as… ANZU!!! Kaiba would lock Mokuba in a room with HER for two hours, after telling HER that Mokuba had been mean to one of his friends, and he needed to be taught the true meaning of 'friendship'. Mokuba cringed at the thought of HER…or rather…IT.

"But Seto, it's too late anyway, I already invited them, and they're on there way here! And there's no security guards to shoot at them this time, either!"

"So. I'll just get rid of them myself."

"You do that, and I'll have Yami knock you out with that giant-ass puzzle of his! And you don't want to be unconscious with Anzu around, do you?"

"YOU INVITED ANZU!?!"

"No, but if Yami's coming, I'm sure Anzu won't be far behind, stalking him."

"Fine. I can see you've put a lot of thought into this. They can come. But you're still being punished when we get home!"

"Why!?! Isn't rideing in the car with her bad enough!?!"

"No, because I have to suffer through that as well. Now come help me move these…cleaning materials… out of the van."

"uh…thank you…I guess…"

-------

review!!! and see you next time!


	3. The Arrival

Yeah, I know, it's been awhile, but I've been…lazy. What, were you looking  
for a reasonable excuse? Anyway, I just got a laptop, so I should be  
updating more…the main word being "should". HA YOU CAN'T SUE ME NOW! LOOK  
A FLYING RADIOACTIVE WOMBAT! (runs while you're distracted)

Chapter Three - THE ARRIVAL

Kaiba was pissed. Not only did he have to spend time with these morons, but  
they were LATE, too. Sure, his little brother's happiness was important to  
him, but there was no way in hell it was worth all this...

Kaiba and Mokuba were currently standing in the driveway, waiting for  
everyone to arrive. Sure, they could've waited inside, like normal people,  
but Kaiba was 1) not normal in any way and 2) he wanted to leave as soon as  
possible. Where was the logic in this? Who knows…

So there they were…in the driveway…waiting…in the  
driveway…waiting…waiting…waiting…

"WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY!"

"Calm down, Seto! I'm sure they'll be here soon! Just…just hold on, okay?  
Just…PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! Oh here they are!"

Mokuba's saviors arrived. His saviors being Yugi, Yami, Jonouchi, Honda,  
Ryou, and Bakura. No sign of Anzu…yet. Kaiba rounded on them, needing  
something to take his frustration out on. And unfortunately, the nearest  
victim was…Yugi.

"WHERE WERE YOU!"

"S-sorry Kaiba, I had to put the fire out by hand, because we used up the  
last fire extinguisher the last time Yami tried to cook…"

Yami took this offensively.

"It's not my fault the damn microwave blew up, I mean, how was I supposed to  
know to take to foil off first?"

"…It says so right on the package, Yami…"

"…so?"

Knowing how angry a yami gets when you point out their stupidity, Ryou  
tried to support him.

"Don't worry about it, Yami. Bakura did the same thing once."

Bakura, like Yami, tried to defend himself..

" Yeah, but I wasn't cooking food."

Poor Kaiba was confused enough, (Mokuba never told him what he heard on the  
phone earlier) but this made it worse.

"Wait…then what did you put in the microwave ?"

Yugi secretly prayed for the safety of woodland creatures everywhere.

"It was a Barbie doll."

"Why…did you put a Barbie doll in the microwave?

"I wanted to see it melt."

This brought back bad memories for Ryou...

"Right when I walked in to make sure he wasn't playing with the knives, the  
Barbie let of a hiss of air that sounded kinda like a scream…"

"Ha ha! That was perfect! …Hey Kaiba? Can I use your microwave real quick?"

"What? No! …where did you find the Barbie, Bakura?"

"Oh, I was going through Ryou's room, y'know, looking for porn or something,  
and I found it under his pillow."

Everyone slowly turned to look… stare… at Ryou.

"Uh… well…you see…"

Ryou was cut off by a sudden rustling in a nearby tree. Everyone had their  
own idea of what it could be…

A quick summary…

Yugi: "…Santa?"

Jonouchi: "Oh no! Honda found out that I have a ho-ho! Oh wait, Honda's  
right here. Oh well." He then proceeded to eye the ho-ho.

Ryou: "No…not the fan girls…"

Bakura: "ANOTHER FBI AGENT! You'd think they'd stop coming after the first  
three were killed and mutilated…"

Kaiba: "Oh, crap. That better not be that mom again. Just cause I kicked her  
kid into a sewer drain…"

Mokuba: "…Pegasus…"

Honda: "…Is that a ho-ho?"

Unfortunately, Yami's idea…more like nightmare…turned out to be true…

"No…not HER…please!"

A sudden silence engulfed them… then…she leaped…her war cry causing the  
strongest of men to tremble…

"YAMI!"

"OH GOD (In slow motion) NOOOOOO!"

Yami was unable to complain anymore, for his windpipe was being crushed in  
an Anzu Death Hug. Or, as she called it, 'special friendship bonding!"

"Yami, how could you kick me, stab me, and throw me into oncoming traffic?  
Friends don't do that!"

Yami mouthed what seemed to be the words 'help me'. No one could really  
tell, because they were all trying to avoid looking anywhere near Anzu, lest  
they become blind. But, being the kind person that he was, Yugi couldn't  
just stand by while his Yami was dieing in the most painful way known to  
mankind.

"Uh, Anzu? If you stop killing Yami, I…uh…guess you can…come if you want…"

Anzu instantly let go of Yami, only to throw her hands up in a 'Friendship  
Cheer'.

"YAY!"

"Oh crap, not you too!"

Kaiba just wasn't having a good morning. However, Anzu heard his little  
complaint… She turned toward him, her mouth started to open…forming the word  
'Friends'…but Kaiba had already screamed and took off for the van. Ditzy  
little Anzu, however, had no clue why.

"Huh. I wonder where he's off to in such a hurry…"

To be continued in chapter four.

YES I'M DONE! Oh god my head! It huuuuurts… ah, I'll start the next  
chapter soon…just let me rest…

Preview of Chapter Four!...

Time for dirty jokes…  
Profanity. LOTS of it….  
Near fatal accidents…  
And best of all… EXPLOSIONS AND CHILDREN! MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!

Till we meet again…  
Spider Chick 23


	4. Over the Hill and Through the Woods

NEW CHAPTER! WOO-HOO! Yeah, I know, it's short, but I updated soon. You  
should all be happy. Anyway, here's my chapter.

CHAPTER FOUR

At last they were on the road.

"Damn road to hell, in my opinion…"

"Quiet please, Kaiba, I'm trying to listen to my CD player."

Ouch. Ryou cut in at the wrong time. Kaiba reached back, grabbed his CD  
player, and tossed it out the window. Right when a 18-wheeler was going by  
in the other direction.

(insert loud truck noise)

"Hey, my Brittany Spears CD!"

Yep. Kaiba was pissed. As was apparent when the next car cut him off…

"GOD DAMN !#! YOU # CUT ME OFF? I'LL & YOU &!

"Seto! That's a tour bus for a boys Christian choir! Its driven by a nun!"

"hmm? Oh, thanks Mokuba. NUN! THINK YOU'RE BIGGER THAN GOD, HUH!  
#&!"

"YEAH! GO KAIBA!"

Uh-oh. Profanities and violence. Not two things you want around Bakura.  
Wanting to join in the 'fun', Bakura grabbed the book ryou was reading, and  
threw it out the window at the bus.

"HEY! That's my Biography of Brittany Spears!"

(insert tire screeches, children screaming, and explosions.)

"Yami? Is that a mushroom cloud?"

"uh, no, Yugi. Its just a…rain cloud…yeah…"

The rest of the car ride didn't go much better for kaiba… and Jonouchi  
wasn't having much fun either…Kaiba forced him to sit in back, with the  
suitcases, because 'mutts aren't allowed on the seats.'

OW! GOD D# IT!

This was the third time Jonouchi had hit his shin on a suitcase.

"Jonouchi, do you mind? There are children in the car!"

"Did you just call me a child, Yami?"

"Er…no Yugi…I meant…Ryou…yeah…"

"Sorry Yami. But we wouldn't have this problem if SOMEONE hadn't put me in  
the back!"

"Quiet Mutt, don't make me take out the training leash…"

Hmmm…a new idea just occurred to Mokuba…(you didn't forget about his little  
plan, did you?) If he could make them think about things differently, it  
might push them closer together…

"Training leash? AH! HOW CAN YOU BE SO PERVERTED, SETO!"

"Huh? What do you- OH GOD MY MIND!"

"What? What did they say up there? I can't hear from back here…"

"Um…you don't want to know, Jonouchi…"

Ah, half-way there… everyone was looking forward to arriving, except for  
Kaiba, of course…

"I can't believe I forgot my laptop at home…this is going to be more boring  
than one of Jonouchi's duels…

"Don't worry Kaiba! I brought my Barney movie! We can all watch it tonight!"

The Barney movie soon found itself flying out the window…right onto a  
nearby train track.

(Insert Train Whistle)

"NOOOO BARNEY!"

"Its okay, Ryou…he's in a better place now…"

That's all! See you next time!

Spiderchick23


	5. Midnight Terror

Hello everyone! . Time for chapter five! Aren't you all just so  
excited? Um…yeah…anyway, I'm gonna answer a few questions people might  
have about the story. Just a few questionable things I read in the reviews  
is all. If you fully understand the story or just don't care, you can skip  
ahead…if you want. Ahem…anyway…

Point #1- Addressed mainly to setosgirl…if she's reading this…-YAY! You  
guessed what I'm gonna do! This is a story with Ryou/Bakura, Yami/Yugi, and  
Kaiba/Jonouchi yaoi! Ryou and Bakura are already together, (as you will see  
later on in this chapter...heeheehee...),Yugi and Yami will be next, but  
it'll take a while, and then Kaiba and Jonouchi will get together, but that  
won't happen for a looooong time. (the whole story is about them getting  
together!) if there's any other pairings you guys want, put it in your  
review! or e-mail me, that works too!

Point #2- why I hate Anzu- not only is it the friendship speeches...i used  
to be able to stand those...its mainly this one thing in the manga that  
pissed me off. She went to a amusement park with Yugi, hoping to see Yami,  
and then they find out that there's a bomb in the park, and they all need to  
leave. You know what she does? SHE BECOMES A BOMB HOSTAGE JUST TO MAKE YAMI APPEAR! I mean, how dumb can you be?

Point #3- why Ryou is so childish- ...come on, don't tell me you've never  
thought of him as a kid before? No normal teenager can be that damn cute all  
the time. and I mean, ALL THE TIME! There's this part in the Japanese  
anime where, right after he's possessed by Bakura, he passes out, and his  
last words before he blacked out was "I'm hungry." AWWWW! HE'S SO  
ADORABLE!

ummm...I think that's it! well, till next time...oh wait, I forgot the  
chapter...here you go!

**CHAPTER FIVE!** WOO HOO! ...ahem...

The First Night...

Approximate time: 10:00 PM  
Location: ...somewhere in Japan. (What, you think i know anything about  
Japan's geography? come on...)  
Travel Time: 6 hours. (Ryou had to go to the bathroom, and it took a while  
to pull all the fan girls off...)

...Ahem...now that formalities are over...

Ta-da! They've finally reached their destination! Yay! And with only one  
direct accident along the way! (Kaiba ran over Weevil on his daily bug  
walk...)

_- FLASHBACK -_

Weevil: bugs...bugs...bugs...b-bus?

**- BOOM **-

_- END FLASHBACK -_

In any case, they got to the house without having to stop at the hospital.  
Unfortunately, it was late at night, and everyone's only thought was sleep.  
Well, Bakura had another thing on his mind, but it also involved a bed, so,  
same thing. Anyway...

"Are we there yet?"

"YES Jonouchi, I've told you that five times!"

"...Snore..."

"oh for the love of Ra..."

After Honda was given the task of dragging Jonouchi up the Mansion's front  
stairs...They discovered they had a little...problem.

"Uh-oh."

"What's wrong, Mokuba?"

"There's only five bedrooms..."

"So?"

"There are nine of us, Honda..."

"Really?"

Honda then counted the group five times before he realized Mokuba was right.

"sigh... Anyway, we'll have to pair up. well, except for Anzu. no one  
deserves that..."

Everyone then...well...split up. Duh. Anyway, Yugi roomed with Yami, Kaiba  
with Mokuba, Honda and Jonouchi, Bakura and Ryou, and...it.

"Thank god the beds are big. We should be able to sleep without  
any...awkward moments."

"Easy for you to say, Kaiba. you've never had to share a bed with  
Jonouchi...he punched me in his sleep last time..."

"You've...shared a bed with Jonouchi?"

"It's not like that! It was on that stupid blimp of yours! You didn't have  
enough bedrooms!"

"Sure..."

Anyway...everyone went to their bedrooms and got ready for bed. Everything  
seemed peaceful at first, but an argument broke out among one of the  
bedrooms...

"Why won't you let me sleep on the bed? I"M NOT GAY!"

"I'm sorry, Yami, but when you're throwing a fit like a little girl...in  
skintight leather...I tend to think otherwise. I just want to protect myself  
while I'm sleeping..."

"Grrrr...fine. I guess I'll just sleep on the floor..."

Yami grabbed a pillow and blanket off the bed and got on the floor. Pity  
Yami, because it's about to get worse for him...

"Thanks Yami!"

"mumblemumble..."

An hour later, Yami finally got to sleep on the cold, hard floor, only to be  
woke up 10 minutes later.

"Gah! What!"

"Yami...I think this house is haunted..."

"What? Now why would it be-"

Yami was cut off by a noise in the next room. Bakura and Ryou's bedroom, in  
fact... it sounded something like this...

thumpthump -

thumpthumpthump -

(three guesses what that is...)

"uhhh..."

Yami wasn't quiet sure how to explain this to Yugi... but he didn't have  
to...

**- WACK** -

"AHHHHHH!"

No matter what disturbing images the 'ghost' in Ryou and Bakura's room put  
into Yami's head, this overwhelmed them all. After all, nothing's more  
disturbing than a sleep-walking Anzu. Especially one that just slammed  
open your bedroom door. And she was heading right for Yami...

"Ahhhhh!"

She grabbed his ankles...

"Ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

And dragged him out the door...

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

Of course, Yami tried to fight her off, but only succeeded in pulling out a  
few floor boards... In just a few seconds, Yugi was alone. The only thing to  
remind him someone was still in the house was the faint sound of sobbing  
coming from down the hall. Well, that and...

thumpthumpthumpgiggle -

O.o '_did that ghost just giggle_?'

In any case, Yugi was alone. With a 'ghost' in the next room. Panicked, Yugi  
ran to Mokuba and Kaiba's room.

"..huh?...Yugi?...what is it?"

"mokubaIneedyourhelptheresaghost-"

"Slow down yugi, I can't understand you!"

"...ghost...in...Ryou's...room..."

"Yeah, Bakura, so what?"

"Not...Bakura..."

" What do you mean-"

thumpthump -

Unfortunately, Mokuba has a secret. Truth is, he's as scared as Jonouchi  
when it comes to ghosts...so he panicked too...

"Ahhhhhh!"

This, of course, made Yugi panic even more.

"Ahhhhhh!"

Both terrified, they ran to the nearest form of safety...in other words,  
both of them ran into the bedroom, into the bed, onto Kaiba.

"snore...mumblemumble... blue-eyes..."

Wow, heavy sleeper, huh?

What'll happen in the morning...? To be reveled next chapter! And if you  
don't review, my blue-eyes will eat you! Mwahahaha!

blue-eyes plushy: _squeak!  
_  
MWAHAHAHAHA! FEAR ITS CUTENESS!


	6. The Morning After

Short chapter, I know, but I updated quick, so you better be happy about it!

**Chapter Six**

The Morning After...

"AHHHHHHH!"

No need for an alarm clock if you have Kaiba... after waking up to find two  
'children' (Mokuba and Yugi) holding on to him...and drooling slightly...he  
screamed in horror. In a state of shock, Kaiba jumped up and took off  
running for the shower, taking the bed sheet with him.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Unfortunatly, Jonouchi looked out his door to see what the noise was, and  
saw something in a white sheet running directly towards him. Of course, he  
also heard the 'ghost' last night and thought that it was coming to kill  
him. Knocking Honda out of the way, Jonouchi dove under the bed...

"AHHHHHHH!"

After hearing Jonouchi scream, Mokuba ran after his brother, only to get to  
the hallway and see bloody claw marks on the walls. (unbeknownst to him,  
Yami left those last night while trying to excape...) So, of course, he  
screamed too. Which made Yugi scream...

"AHHHHHHH!"

Which woke up Yami, who found Anzu next to him in bed...

"AHHHHHHH!"

Which woke up Bakura, who was suffering from 'sleep loss'...

"WILL YOU ALL SHUT UP!"

What? Were you expecting _him_ to scream? Come on...

Anyway, it was about an hour later that they all started to eat breakfast.  
It took that long to get Jonouchi, Mokuba, and Yugi out from under the beds.  
But someone was still missing...

"Mokuba, where's Kaiba?"

"He's still in the shower. I think we tramatized him. I went to check on  
him, but he kept mumbling in Egyptian... he hasn't done that in a few  
thousand years, so I think he's pretty bad off..."

"Heeheehee...I know how to check on him..."

Bakura went over to the Kitchen sink, and yanked the faucet on at the  
hottest setting...

(Insert loud egyptian yell/profanity)

"Wow...didn't know high priest's knew those kinda words..."

"What did he say, Bakura?"

"I don't think you want to know, Mokuba... But he should be okay in a few  
minutes..."

"Why do you say so?"

"Just a hunch..."

Bakura turned the faucet on cold...

(Insert egyptian yell/profanity)

Then he turned it back to hot...

(Insert Egyptian yell/profanity)

And back to cold again...

"DAMMIT WHO KEEPS DOING THAT!"

"See? Told you he'd be fine..."

"Umm...thank you...I think..."

Speaking of traumatizations... What happended to Yami? Well, he was  
currently sitting at the table, paler than usual, stareing out into open  
space.

"Hey Yami, how you holding up?"

(silence)

"Yami?"

(silence)

Bakura then came up with his second brillant idea that morning. He snuck up  
behind Yami...

(High pitched voice) "Yami, want to have a friendship duel? We can use hugs  
instead of trap cards!"

"AHHHHHHHH-" -THUD-

Yami fell out of his seat onto the floor...

"Dude, WTF? What the Hell did she do to you last night?"

"Oh Ra, it was horrible! I saw more than I ever wanted to see! I tried to  
claw my eyes out, but she bound my hands!"

Yami then curled up in the fetal position and started to sob...

...O.o

Everyone started to slowly move away...

And Yami was left in the middle of the kitchen floor, a broken man...

Bakura did come back to check on him, but only so he could turn off the  
light and leave him in the dark...

And it's only the begining of this story. There's so much tourture left for  
him...

**Preview of chapter seven...**

The victim of the next chapter will be...KAIBA!

Mokuba's plan goes into action! Much butt grabbing involved!

Someone gets injured! But don't worry, we'll all laugh at his/her pain!

Till next time...

Spiderchick23


	7. Death by Flying Trench Coat

Okay, I know this chapter is going to make it sound like Yami really isn't  
gay, but just keep it in mind, he's a REALLY good liar! (winkwink)

**Chapter Seven**

Death by Flying Trench Coat

After breakfast, everyone decided to explore the house. Yes, even Yami. He  
finally recovered from his mental breakdown, but still jumps at loud noises.  
In any case, this left Mokuba to his thoughts, and the tough decision he had  
in front of him. See, his original intent was to come here so he could  
inherit the house, and he and his friends could have a place to hang out.  
Now that Mokuba believes the house is 'haunted', he no longer wants it.  
Hell, he doesn't even want to be here anymore. So why does he stay? His  
brother, of course! This may be his last chance to set him up with somebody.

You all know that Mokuba decided on Jonouchi, but does he even know if  
Kaiba's gay? Nope. Does he care? Nope. He just has to find a way to get the  
two to notice each other. And that's where we start off today's story...

Mokuba was walking along one of the mansion's many hallways, when he noticed  
Kaiba and Jonouchi in the same room together. They weren't doing anything,  
but that was going to change soon...

'Ah-ha!' An idea popped into Mokuba's head. Kaiba and Jonouchi were standing  
somewhat close, but their backs were to each other...Kaiba was looking at a  
book on the bookcase, and Jonouchi was looking at a sculpture from ancient  
Greece. (You all know most statues from then were done without clothes...and  
this happened to be a bust of a young woman...of course Jonouchi would be  
looking at it...)

Details aside, Mokuba was known as one of the fastest kids in his grade. So,  
of course, he quickly ran between them, grabbed Jonouchi's butt, and dove  
under a nearby couch. Jonouchi whipped around, only to see... Kaiba.

"PERVERT!" -WHACK-

Thud -

Jonouchi punched Kaiba, and knocked him unconscious. No, Jonouchi didn't  
hit him hard enough to knock him out with one blow. But whacking your head  
on a bookcase can knock you out pretty fast.

Jonouchi stomped out of the room, leaving Kaiba on the floor.

'oops...' Mokuba wasn't exactly planning on _that _to happen. Getting two  
people together was going to be difficult, especially when they're  
enemies... Not really knowing what to do, Mokuba left the room, praying that  
someone other than Anzu would find Kaiba and help him.

Continuing down the hallway, Mokuba spotted Yami and Yugi in almost the same  
position. And there was a couch nearby. Being a naturally curious kid,  
Mokuba decided to do a little...experiment. Yet again, he ran between the  
two of them, only he grabbed Yugi's butt this time, and dove under the  
couch.

"YAMI!"

"What?"

"YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GAY!"

"I'm not!"

"Then why did you grab my butt!"

"Why would I want to grab your butt?"

"Maybe I'm too hot for you to resist?"

"Hah! I'm hotter than you are!"

"You look just like me, you moron!"

"Tch. I have cooler eyes..."

All during this argument, Mokuba didn't have a single feeling of guilt. Only  
disgust at having to grab two guys' butts. Unfortunately, this was an old  
house, and there was a lot of dust under the couch...

"Ah-choo!"

'Uh-oh...' Yami and Yugi both turned directly towards Mokuba's hiding place.  
With another turn of bad luck, Mokuba noticed that part of his shoe was  
sticking out...

"Oh shit..."

Yami grabbed Mokuba's shoe and pulled him out from his dusty encasement.

"Mokuba! Why did you do that! I'm trying to convince Yugi that I'm NOT  
gay, remember?"

"I...was just trying an experiment out...that's all..."

"THAT...was an experiment?"

"Yeah...I tried it on my brother and Jonouchi, and I wanted to see if you  
two did the same thing..."

"You did this to Kaiba? Oh my God, he's going to kill Jonouchi..."

"Actually, I grabbed Jonouchi's butt. Kaiba is currently laying on the  
floor of what looks like the study..."

"Wish I could've seen that... Anyway, why are you doing this anyway?"

"Well, when I start dating, I really don't need my big brother bugging me  
because he doesn't have a life. So I'm pawning him off on Jonouchi."

"What, like a boyfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Kaiba's gay?"

"I dunno."

"Sounds fun. Can I help?"

"Yami!"

"What? If he's gay, he's gay. If he's not...well, then it'll just be funny.  
C'mon, let's go find Kaiba and Jonouchi..."

As they say, good things happen to those with patience. (Well, I don't know  
if people actually say that, but I do, so it counts) After waiting for a few  
hours, (mainly for Kaiba to re-gain consciousness) the perfect opportunity  
arose for Yami, Yugi, and Mokuba.

Jonouchi was distracted. He was standing near an open window, seeing if he  
could smell food from the nearby McDonalds. Kaiba was coming towards them,  
and it looked like he was going to pass right by Jonouchi...

Not wanting to expose their presence, Yami simply pointed at Kaiba, pointed  
at Jonouchi, and made a pushing motion with his hands. Mokuba gave him the  
thumb's up, while Yugi sat worrying about his friends' well beings... Oh

who are we kidding, he was only concerned about Jonouchi. Kaiba could be  
knocked out again for all he cared...

The timing was perfect. Right when Kaiba was walking past Jonouchi, Yami  
jumped out and shoved him directly towards Jonouchi. But none of them  
expected what happened next.

Hearing the Ice Cream Truck go by outside, Jonouchi took off running for the  
door. Leaving nothing between Kaiba and the open 2nd story window...

"AHHHHH-"

THUD -

All of them ran to the window, but Yami was the only one brave enough to  
look out.

"Ummm...I think we should continue this tomorrow..."

"Is he okay?"

"I think his trench coat cushioned his fall... but I think he took out a  
few tree braches and squirrels on his way down..."

"Oh those poor little squirrels!"

"Don't worry Yugi, I'm sure it was quick and painless death...C'mon, lets  
go get something to eat. I'll have Bakura go out and clean up the mess..."

Preview of chapter eight...

Night #2

Will Mokuba be able to sleep with a 'ghost' so close by?

Will Yami get to sleep on the bed?

What does Kaiba think of all these attacks on him?

And what's that strange noise keeping everyone up? (And no, I'm not talking  
about the 'ghost'!)

All this will be revealed in the next chapter!

'Till then!

Spiderchick23


	8. Shattered minds and broken beds

Ahhh, sorry for the long wait, but we've just had finals at our school... I don't know how I did, but I know I passed! Woo-hoo! No summer school!

ahem...

Anyway, here's chapter eight. Sorry if it's a little... out there, but it's summer break, and I've spent the last few... weeks... reading fan fics, I've been living off candy and soda, and my gamecube memory card just went through the washing machine... so basically, this chapter reflects my current mind set... hyper, disturbed, and unstable.

**Shattered minds and broken beds...**

It was now late at night, the second night at the mansion. Kaiba was walking the halls, trying to get to the bedrooms as fast as possible without anymore 'attacks'... did I mention he was having a severe case of paranoia? Oh yes, he was currently holding a baseball bat, jumping around like a kid trying to impersonate James Bond. In fact, that was exactly what Mokuba was thinking at the time. He was following Kaiba a short distance away, making sure he didn't get into to much trouble. Was it smart to be following a guy with paranoia? Probably not. But when has Mokuba ever cared about his brother's mental health anyway? He was already planning out new ideas for tomorrow...

In another part of the house, most of the group had already gone to bed. Anzu was padlocked in her room; Jonouchi and Honda were snoring away; and Yami was currently getting 'comfortable' on the floor...

"Ah, crap! I sat on a nail..."

"Um...Yami?"

"Er... yeah?"

"After what happened last night, I kinda feel sorry for you... so you can stay on the bed tonight if you want..."

"What? Really?"

Yami was so excited at this that he got up and started jumping up and down on the bed...

"Yami, stop that!"

"Ha ha! I can't believe you're letting me do this!'

Still jumping... Now Yugi was trying to stop him...but it wasn't working, and Yugi was getting jumped on in the process...

"Ack, Yami, knock it off, you're hurting me!"

CRACK-

Now, of course, this is an old mansion, with antique furniture. These beds weren't made to have 3000 year old spirits jumping on them. So, of course, the bed collapsed.

THUD-

"Yami, look what you did! You broke the bed!"

"Who cares, it's still a mattress!"

Now, their neighbors, Bakura and Ryou, heard something completely different. Let's just say that they heard something like this...

_"Yami, stop that!"_

_(bed springs squeaking)_

_"Ha ha! I can't believe you're letting me do this!"_

_(more bed springs...)_

_"ack, Yami, knock it off, you're hurting me!"_

_-CRACK-_

_-THUD-_

_"Yami, look what you did! You broke the bed!"_

_"Who cares, it's still a mattress!"_

Back in the other bedroom...

O.o "What... is Yami doing in there?"

O.O "OMG the pharaoh IS gay... I knew it!"

Bakura and Ryou were the only ones who heard the conversation, but a few others heard the bed break...

Anzu had broken down her door, and was heading for the bathroom...

Kaiba, meanwhile, was almost to his bedroom, baseball bat still in hand...

At the time of the 'accident', Kaiba was walking by the bathroom. Let's just say that... the thud of the bed and Anzu leaving the bathroom happened at the same time...

THUD-

"Hi Kaiba!"

"AHHHHH!"

WHACK-

O.O "oops..."

Kaiba had hit Anzu with the baseball bat.

Not that anyone cared...

Kaiba and Mokuba continued on to bed...

Everyone was comfortably sleeping...

And Anzu was unconscious outside the bathroom door.

Anyone else would have been seriously or fatally injured if they were hit in the head full force with a baseball bat... but who ever said that Anzu was human?

And so concludes night number two, and the end of the first full day at the mansion.

> > > > > > > > > > > > > 

Have any ideas for the next chapter? Something stupid you just want to see in the story? Just put it in your review!

Until next time...

Spiderchick23


	9. Attack of the Mokubas

Aha! time for chapter nine! I'm almost in double digits! Yay!

ahem...

Anyway, I was originally planning for this to only be, like, ten chapters (this part, at least) but that ain't gonna happen... dang, I wanted a nice even number, too. Oh well, I guess we'll shoot for twenty chapters. That's a nice number, right?

To think I'm only talking about section one of three... O.O dang this is gonna be a long story... Ah, it is called a Saga, anyway...

Thankies to all who reviewed and gave me ideas for this chapter! If ya don't see your idea, either I just couldn't find a way to fit it in, or I'm gonna use it in later chapters!

Much Thanks to Serena and Sis Suiki! Your idea gave me the basis for this chapter!

And for the birthday girl, I.A.T.C.O., I've made this chapter as fluffy as possible. Well, for me, at least. Unfortunately, my version of fluffy is pretty messed up, so don't expect any mushy 'I love you' crap. Or anything even remotely close to that. So I don't think it counts as fluff... oh well, I tried.

Anyway...

**Chapter Nine- **_Attack of the Mokubas_

"Mokuba... did you hear that?"

"What? No, I didn't hear anything Seto, go back to sleep..."

"No, I know I heard something in the bathroom, I know it!"

"Yeah, Anzu, remember? She's probably feasting on some innocent soul right now..."

"Maybe... I should go check and make sure she's still unconscious..."

"Yeah, go do that, just be quiet and let me sleep..."

Kaiba slipped out of bed silently, and snuck out the door, still looking out for any attacks. Too bad he forgot his baseball bat in the room... it could've helped him out later...

Mokuba was almost asleep, now that his brother wasn't there to bug him. Until he heard something interesting in the room next to him...

_"Honda, wake up!"_

_-snore-_

_"Honda, come on, you gotta walk with me to the bathroom! I heard something in there and I really gotta go!"_

_-snore-_

_"Ah, fine. I'll... I'll go by myself..."_

Not long afterwards, Mokuba heard Jonouchi shut his bedroom door... and head for the bathroom... same place that Kaiba was...

And Mokuba always has ideas.

Instantly awake, Mokuba grabbed the baseball bat from beside the bed and silently followed behind Jonouchi. It wasn't long before he caught up to Kaiba.

"What are you doing here, Mutt?"

"Trying to go to the bathroom, do you mind moving your giant butt so I can go?"

"I do not have a big butt!"

"Then what's the trench coat hiding, huh?"

crrrreak-

O.O O.O

Mokuba had just found a squeaky floorboard... perfect...

crrrreak-

"Kaiba... stop trying to scare me!"

"I'm... not doing anything. I thought you were doing it..."

crrrreak-

O.O O.O

Ah ha! now was the perfect time! Mokuba took the baseball bat, and hit it against a (conveniently located) metal pipe.

THONK-

(girly screams)

Kaiba and Jonouchi were now glomping each other in fear. And also talking in high pitched whispers.

"Kaiba, what was that?"

silence-

"Kaiba?"

"I forgot my baseball bat..."

"We're going to die, aren't we?"

"Yes, I think we are, Mutt."

Mokuba was getting bored... so he did it again.

THUNK-

(more girly screams)

"I can't die yet, I still haven't bought out Microsoft!"

"I don't wanna die, I still have to use that pizza coupon!"

'_Oh, great. they're gonna start crying soon..._' Wanting to get this show moving, Mokuba picked up a shoe (O.o random hallway shoe...) and threw it at the two boys. It hit Jonouchi's legs and landed on the floor with a thud.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With no clue how they did it, Mokuba watched as both of the boys ran, still glomping each other, into the closest bedroom. (Seto and Mokuba's)

"Oh no!"

"What?"

"Mokuba's gone... and so is my baseball bat!"

Well, it seems fear messes with your logic, because instead of thinking Mokuba left with the baseball bat, Kaiba came to this conclusion...

"OMG, the monster stole Mokuba and Bluey!"

"Bluey?"

"Yes, my baseball bat's name is Bluey, is there a problem with that!"

"The monster killed Mokuba with the baseball bat in the bathroom..."

"This isn't clue, Jonouchi!"

Mokuba was now laughing his ass off. He tried to hold it in but it only ended up sounding like... well, I don't know what it sounded like. Next time you're laughing really hard, try to cover it up with your hands. You'll see how funny it sounds... Um, anyway...

"What the hell is that!"

"OMG ITS EATING MOKUBA!"

"Maybe... It'll fill up on Mokuba and it won't eat us..."

"Maybe it'll choke on his hair..."

"Maybe it will eat Anzu and die..."

"We can only hope something that good will happen. You know, kill two birds with one stone. Or, in this case, two monsters..."

"Naw, it would never eat Anzu. The smell would scare it off..."

"Yeah you're probably right. But it could eat Yugi and get internal bleeding from his hair..."

"I'd rather have Yami be eaten. He shoved me out a window."

This continued until morning came. Neither boy slept. They sat in the corner glomping each other till the monster went away.

Mokuba fell asleep in the hallway.

Anzu... was still unconscious.

And Yugi...

"What the hell!"

...Woke up to find Yami glomping him like a personal plush toy.

"Ah, you might as well be laying on top of me! Get off!"

Yugi pushed Yami off, only to have him roll back over and...

Lay on top of him.

"Oh for the love of Ra..."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 

See ya next chapter!

Oh, and for those of you who'd like to know...

SURPRISE VISIT BY SOMEONE YOU LOVE!

And no, it's not me.

I'll give you a hint...

EGYPTIAN HOTTIE!

oops... that might've been to much...

till next time...

Spiderchick23


	10. When Good Alcohol Goes Bad

Considering that this is the SUPER SPECIAL CHAPTER 10, I've promised you all a very special surprise. Sure, I've probably spoiled it by screaming 'Hot Egyptian!', but for the few of you that still don't know who he is... I pity you. Bathe in the hotness that is...

MALIK!

Oh, and his mentally unstable yami too.

Special thanks to everyone who sent in ideas! Don't forget to send in more though, because the more I get, the faster I update, 'cause I don't have to think as hard!

If I used your idea in this fic, I would personally thank you, but I forgot who sent in what idea and I'm too lazy to look through all of my reviews. Just know that I've updated for you, okay? If it wasn't for all of you who reviewed, I'd be too lazy to get past the first chapter!

...sorry for the long wait, but I got... distracted... yeah... (been reading fan fics... DIRTY fan fics...o.O I am so messed up right now...)

**Chapter 10**

_When Good Alcohol Goes Bad._

Sunlight streamed in through an open window. Birds could be heard chirping outside. Anzu was slowly bleeding to death on the floor. It was perhaps one of the best mornings Mokuba had ever had.

Except for the fact that his back really hurt from falling asleep on the baseball bat.

Other than that, it was nice.

Mokuba got up to check on his little 'projects'. He slowly tip-toed into the room to find that Kaiba and Jonouchi had finally fallen asleep, still curled up together in the corner. Mouthing a silent 'awwww', Mokuba left to wake up everyone else, leaving the two to continue to slightly drool on each other.

After leaving the room, Mokuba noticed a foul scent in the hallway. Looking for the source, Mokuba noticed that, wow, there was an awful lot of blood around Anzu. And she was the one causing the smell, too. He shoved the body in the bathroom. If anyone asked questions, he'd blame the blood on Bakura.

(Unknown to Mokuba, the blood really was Bakura's fault. Unable to sleep during the night due to the 'disturbing sounds' he heard, Bakura went for a walk. Finding Anzu, he stabbed her for good luck. Come on, everyone knows injuring Anzu is luckier than a four leaf clover!)

Um, anyway...

After also hearing the 'disturbing sounds' last night, Mokuba decided to skip Yugi and Yami's room and went to wake up Bakura and Ryou, hoping that they weren't doing anything either. (No one cared about Honda enough to wake him up). With his new backup, all three of them went to wake up Yugi and Yami, preparing themselves for the worst.

"...What the hell is Yami doing to Yugi?"

They walked in to find Yami passed out on top of Yugi. Yugi was fine though, as they could see him mouthing the words 'help me'. Bakura pulled Yami off the poor little guy and knocked him to the floor. He was still sleeping.

"Yugi, are you okay...?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. He just fell asleep on me and I couldn't get him off... "

"Well, it'll probably hurt for a while. Did my first time, too."

"...What are you talking about?"

"...What are YOU talking about?"

(awkward silence)

"...Lets just go down and have breakfast."

"...right... "

(More awkward silence)

"Okay then... "

About ten minutes later, Mokuba, Ryou, Yugi, and the Yamis were in the middle of breakfast. No one told Honda, no one cared about Anzu, and Kaiba and Jonouchi were still asleep. They all ate in silence except for Yami. He was acting perfectly normal (he was asleep during the conversation) and had no clue why Yugi kept looking at him weird...

It was right after they finished when they heard a noise towards the front door.

And they went to see who it was.

...What the hell else would they have done?

Um, anyway, on with the story!

"MALIK! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"

"Yami? HEY THIS IS MY DRINKING HOUSE, FIND YOUR OWN!"

It was then that they noticed Malik was carrying a handful of six-packs.

"Hey Malik, where do you want me to put this?"

"Marik, what are you- IS THAT A KEG!"

"Um... No? It's, uh... toys... for the children... hungry children... who don't have... arms... and-"

"Marik, shut up, you're making it worse!"

"Malik, why are you here? Shouldn't you be in Egypt? And Marik, aren't you, like, dead?"

"Isis kicked me out. And the beer tastes better here."

"There isn't booze in the shadow realm... I was sad..."

"Now then, if that's straightened out, we had this house first, so you can go drink somewhere else. Marik and I have a keg to finish."

"Malik, this is my house, so I think you should-"

"Wait Mokuba, we might be able to... use them..."

Yami pulled Mokuba to the side.

"Listen, maybe we can... recruit them to help us with Kaiba and Jonouchi! They have booze AND the millennium rod! It's perfect!"

"Hmmmm... I don't trust them much... but I'm sure they could help... good idea, Yami!"

Mokuba turned back to the hot Egyptian twins...

"Malik, Marik, I have a... proposition for you..."

(5 min. later)

Marik and Malik both broke out in evil grins.

"Sounds... _interesting_. Lets get to work. Kaiba and Jonouchi won't know what hit them..."

"Wait, where did Bakura and Ryou go?"

-thumpthumpthump-

"Oh man, not again..."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Ahhh, I know, I was supposed to make this chapter longer, but I waited so long to update I wanted you guys to know that I was still alive. Don't worry, I'm sure I'll update faster next time... yeah... o.O

'till next time...

Spiderchick23


	11. Alcohol, Part Two!

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! OVER 100 REVIEWS! WOO-HOO!

(Pulls out party balloons)

YAY!

...anyway...

Sorry for the long wait. I've been messing around on Gaiaonline for a while, and haven't posted. sweat drop

And to anyone wanting longer chapters or faster updates, I feel like _SHIT_ so you ain't gonna get them. But I'll _try_ to at least have 1000 words per chapter. There, you happy?

One more note, to mandapandabug : I loved your idea, and I'm sure lots of other people do too, but I can't use it. It's impossible for me to write anything slightly romantic. So you'll see in this chapter and in past chapters... Remember the last time I tried to do fluff, and they ended up glomping each other, nearly pissing themselves? Yeah...

Sorry if this chapter seems to be a little off. I just can't seem to get into it lately. I seem only to be able to write when I'm supposed to be doing homework, and I don't have homework. The one bad part of summer vacation...

Not to mention it might be a little more evil than usual. Like I said, I feel like shit, so this chapter is a reflection of the dementia of my mind. evil smile

...okay then.

(End of long, pointless rant)

**Chapter 11**

**Alcohol, part two!**

"Mailk, I swear, if you look at me and giggle one more time, I will rip you apart and spew your entrails across a busy highway."

"Oh Kaiba, your such a tease! Teehee!"

It was late in the afternoon before Kaiba and Jonouchi woke up, (both denying _where_ they woke up) so Malik and Marik had to keep themselves occupied until they could start the "fun". So, of course, they lit various pieces of furniture on fire, and, at one point, Yugi's hair. But we're not talking about them, now are we? Now that Kaiba and Jonouchi were awake, they could start the real fun...

"Hey Kaiba, want a beer?"

(death glare)

"Er, okay then..."

But it wasn't going to be as easy as they had hoped.

The plan was to get Kaiba and Jonouchi drunk, and then... well, see where it went from there. But unfortunately, both of them were smart enough not to except anything from the two insane Egyptians. Not to mention, neither of them drink. Which Bakura found to be incredibly weird.

"How can they not want it? It's BEER! Who turns down beer?"

"Ahhh, remember Bakura, they might be gay. For all we know they only drink brightly colored fruity drinks like martinis."

"Oh yeah..."

So this left them to finding other options... such as passing off the alcohol as other liquids... and using different means of persuasion...

"OMG salty pretzels and an unmarked liquid! SCORE!"

Jonouchi wasn't too hard to trick... Kaiba on the other hand,...

"WTF?"

...,Walked into his room to find a giant Blue-eyes plushy and a bottle that said 'drink me'.

"_I told you this wouldn't work Bakura! You are SUCH an idiot!_"

"_QUIET! It's gonna work, trust me!"_

Kaiba gave the Blue-eyes a funny look. He could of sworn he just heard it talk...

He slowly walked up to it...

"..."

(poke)

"_I luv you!"_

"AHHHHHHHHHH!"

o.O

"_damit Bakura, you got one of those talking plushies? Those things are creepy_!"

"_Shhh! This could still work ... hey, what's Kaiba doing?"_

Kaiba had grabbed his baseball bat and was slowly approaching the plushy.

"_What the fuck is he-"_

"DIE YOU FOUL BEAST OF SATAN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

O.O

Kaiba was beating the plushy to death with bluey, his trusty baseball bat.

"_Heh. Forgot to tell you guys, he's been paranoid these last few days..."_

"_Great. We'll have to think of something else..."_

With that, they left the room, leaving Kaiba to deal with the plushy from hell, who with every beating screamed out his love until his stuffing littered the room and he could love no more...

Shortly after said plushy's death, Kaiba went to work on his laptop. (Ehhh, you thought he forgot them all, huh? Well, lucky him. He happened to find an extra one hidden away in his trench coat.) The 'Yaoi-gang', as I shall call them from now on, snuck up on him with another plan in tow.

"_Okay Malik, you distract him, and I'll slip past!"_

_"Gotcha!"_

Malik walked away from the group...

"HEY KAIBA LOOK A DISTRACTION!"

"What?"

"_Holy shit it worked, go Bakura go!"_

Bakura ran past Kaiba and placed a bottle next to his laptop. He then ran back to the group to watch their plan unfold...

"Huh?"

Kaiba picked up the bottle next to his laptop. Scrawled across the front of it was 'Kaiba Corp. Brand Water'.

"If this is water why is it yellow-brown?"

"_Damit Bakura you don't put beer in a clear bottle and pass it off as water!"_

"Eh. Oh well."

O.O

"_Oh my god he actually drank it!"_

_"At least we know he gets stupid when he's on his laptop..."_

THUD

giggle

O.O

_"Malik? That isn't beer, is it?"_

_"Heehee! It's home brewed!"_

_"Oh crap..."_

And Kaiba was still giggling on the floor...

"_Well, lets get these two together, shall we?"_

_> > > > > > > > > > > > > > _

Cliffhanger! Don't ya' love me? .

Chapter 12 coming soon! (Hopefully...)

Spiderchick23


	12. WTF?

Heheh... I see not many of you liked my cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter... _sweatdrops_... okay then. You guys can call off your death threats because I won't do it again. The only reason I did it last time was because I was too lazy to finish writing the chapter... anyway, here's the next chapter, okay? You guys don't have to hurt me anymore!

Anyway, this is the second day at the mansion for those who need reminding... (had to look it up myself) and they need to stay there for three days... so we have one day left after this before I can start the second part of my story. So, I need ideas for the last day, last night, car ride home, whatever... because I really don't know what to write after this...

And to missMUSIC, one of my reviewers... I know that you don't want Seto to be gay, but he is in this story. Sorry. But just know that the hard-core stuff won't happen until the third segment. This is only the first segment.

As for the rest of my reviewers... THANK YOU! The first version of this story only had about 50 reviews and I was happy... this one has over 150! Thank you all, I love you so much! Come visit me on gaiaonline, would ya? Same name as on here...

Anyway...

I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED! I've been doing a lot of stuff lately and haven't gotten around to it...

Warning: (yes, this chapter has a warning) This chapter has some "suggestive situations" and isn't recommended for anyone under 13. Although I doubt you'll listen to me anyway. I know I wouldn't, but I'm over 13, so you can't yell at me, nyah-nyah!

Chapter 12

WTF?

"Come on Bakura...put your back into it!"

"Shut up Malik, I'm doing the best I can! It's not my fault I'm anemic! Ryou doesn't exercise!"

The three yami's and Malik were currently dragging kaiba down the stairs to the room Jou was in (the rest were afraid of what was going to happen...), since whatever Malik put in the drinks seem to make kaiba unable to stand properly, or even walk for that matter. He was still completely out of it, giggling the whole time they tried to move him...

"Heehee... bunny! Bunny soft!"

"Ack! Someone make Kaiba stop petting me!"

"Awww... he likes you Bakura! How cute!"

"Gawd, you are so lucky I have my hands full right now..."

"-pant- -pant- ... Are we there yet?"

"Almost... wait, if kaiba's acting like this, what's Jonouchi doing?"

"... oh shit."

Yami ran ahead to assess the situation while Bakura, Malik, and Marik stayed with Kaiba, who was still petting Bakura.

"Ahh, no Kaiba! Stop petting me! I'm not a bunny!'

_giggle_ "Bunny!"

"Oh Bakura, just let him have his fun, it makes him happy..."

"Fine. YOU have him."

Bakura pushed Kaiba onto Malik.

"Look Kaiba! It's a tan bunny!"

"Bunny!"

"Oh crap!"

So they sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for Yami. the only thing different was that Kaiba was now petting Malik...

"...I hate you Bakura."

"Awww, I hate you too, Malik!"

"Bunny!"

Five minutes went by before Yami finally showed up, out of breath and looking slightly worried...

"So... what's he doing Yami?"

"He's in the kitchen... _pant_"

"...and?"

"The fridge... _pant_... theirs nothing left... _pant_... he even ate the baking soda..."

"Ah great, lets hurry up and get Kaiba down there. We need to take Jonouchi down to the hospital to get his stomach pumped..."

With all three of the Yami's working now, they quickly moved down to the kitchen, dragging Kaiba behind them. Within a matter of minutes, they reached the kitchen door.

"...What do we do now?"

"Well, I guess we have to introduce them or something..."

Malik, who was still being petted, thought of a different idea... and simply threw Kaiba through the door.

"What? He was getting annoying, okay?"

" -_Sigh_-... Lets just watch through the door, okay?"

The yami's slowly opened the door and peered through. Kaiba was still on the floor after being thrown, and Jonouchi was looking at him from the fridge. Kaiba glanced up from his spot on the floor.

"PUPPY!"

"Ahh!"

Jonouchi fell backwards as he was tackled by an excited Kaiba, thrilled at finding someone so fluffy and cute. The 'puppy' however, wasn't able to talk it seemed and simply offered his new friend some of the chocolate sauce he was enjoying.

"Heh, who would have know Jonouchi be eating chocolate sauce? Kinky..."

"Quiet Bakura, something's happening..."

Indeed, Kaiba had moved very close to Jonouchi, and decided that he wanted the chocolate sauce that was smeared all over his face, not what was in the bottle.

"Puppy's... dirty..."

Kaiba leaned in and slowly licked the chocolate off of Jonouchi's face, rubbing his hand over his chest while he did so. Jonouchi moaned and leaned in...

"Ha, good stuffs going to start any minute now!"

"Be quiet, you horny little Egyptian!"

Unfortunately for Malik, there wasn't much left to see. Malik's homebrewed liquor seem to be two much for the 'happy couple', and both of them passed out before they could even kiss.

"DAMMIT! Marik, I told you not to give them the strong stuff!

"...oops"

"AHH! YOU STUPID BAKA YAMI!

While Malik was beating his yami senseless, Bakura was already thinking of a new idea...

"Heh heh... Hey pharaoh, I got an idea."

"Hmm? What?"

Malik stopped beating his yami to hear.

"We may have missed the event itself, but we can still give an... illusion... heh heh..."

"What... do you mean by that?"

"You'll see... oh you'll see... someone help me drag them to the couch in the living room..."

After many tiring minutes, they finally got the two to the living room down the hall.

"-_Pant-_... what now, genius?"

With an evil grin on his face, Bakura gestured toward the two on the couch.

"Take their clothes... heheheh..."

"WHAT? Oh, I am so not going there!"

"Come on, it's not like you haven't seen it before!"

"Yeah, but still... its Kaiba and Jonouchi... I'm not sure I want to see it..."

Suddenly, Malik got an idea.

"OH! I know! Marik, since you screwed up the alcohol, you get Kaiba and Bakura. Also, you came up with the idea, so you get Jonouchi!"

"What! That is so not fair!"

"Too bad, you're doing it! Now get busy! We'll wait outside, have fun!"

Yami and Malik ran out, leaving the other two to their 'dirty' job. After 5 minutes, the two ran out, clearly traumatized. Marik glared at his hikari.

"You... owe... me... so much sex..."

"Deal. Now we just have to wait for the alcohol to wear off..."

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > 

Aha! Done! well, at least this chapter... anyway, before I go, I just want apologize for the long wait between updates.


	13. Just a Game of Clue

OMG, I'M SO FUCKING SORRY! I completely forgot that I had a fanfic! I've just been… busy? oO I dunno.

_Special Thanks to..._

DJ Kouji-slice. DJ is the person who always updates my story because my computer's retarded. DJ also spell checks for me... sweat drop

Kitsune's Grrl. Kitsune reminded me that I had a fanfic. Without her, I would still be wondering why I keep getting reviews.

Everyone who reviews. You make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! . Yay!

update on contact information! my Gaia online screen name has been changed from spiderchick23 to White Dragon Kisara, if any of you were even bothering to contact me...

And one last warning... HONDA BASHING! Yay!

Now, if you're all ready for more perverted jokes, (wink wink) I can start the story!

Chapter 13 - Just a game of Clue...

"Are they awake yet?"

"No."

"Are they awake yet?"

"No."

"Are they awake yet?"

"Dear Ra, NO!"

Tempers were rising as the group eagerly awaited the awakening of the drunk "couple". Sadly, Malik couldn't remember how much hard liquor he had put in his homemade brew. Sadder still, only 15 minutes had passed before Merik started his "Are they awake yet?" rant. After enduring 20 minutes of this, Bakura's already short temper had snapped...

"Hey! Hey Merik! You want the beer? GO GET THE BEER!" ,Bakura picked up the nearby six pack and hurled it out the window...

"NO MY BABIES!" ,and Merik soon followed...

"Wow, that was easier than I thought..."

One problem was solved, but the group soon faced another... Boredom. For it was still many hours before the alcohol would fully wear off. So...

"I wanna play a board game!"

"No Ryou, stop being retarded."

"I WANNA PLAY A FUCKING BOARD GAME BAKURA!"

"Um… er… Okay?"

"That's better..."

"Do we even have any game-"

"I HAVE SOME!", Mokuba excitedly ran up to his room, knocking a few people down in the process, no-one important though. It wasn't long before Mokuba came back down, games spilling out of his hands with every step he took.

"Damn Mokuba, how many did you bring?"

"Oh, just a few..." ,even more games spilled over at these words.

"May I ask why you brought them?"

"... I dunno. Just feels weird without my games..."

"Wow, the younger one's as nuts as the older one..."

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all!"

"... Anyway... what game do ya wanna play?"

Yugi and Ryou backed away at those words. They could already see the Yamis eyeing each other, wondering who would make the first move at the games; they only hoped Mokuba would survive the ordeal.

"BLACKJACK!"

"POKER!"

"UNO!"

"… Uno? What the hell, Malik?"

Yugi, Ryou, and Mokuba just stared at the Yamis.

"You guys do realize that those aren't board games, right?"

"Um... yeah, of course we did... we were just... joking, yeah..."

Finally grasping the idea of a 'board' game, the Yamis' eyes all fell on one game... one who's cover had guns knives, and... DUNDUNDUN! CANDLESTICKS! Yami, Bakura, and Malik all pointed at it and yelled out...

"I WANT DAT ONE!"

"...Wow, you guys are the most retarded evil villains I have ever met..."

"I'm not a villain, I'm a good guy!"

"Only 'cause you're too lame to be a villain, Yami!"

"SHUT UP YOU RETARDED TOMB ROBBER!"

"OH FUCK YOU, YA FLAMBOYANT PHARAOH!"

"GIRLS! If you're all done fighting, can we start the game?"

"..._mumble mumble_..."

"Good. Now pick your characters..."

And the characters are… (drum roll!)

Merik & Malik - Col. Mustard

Yami - Prof. Plum

Mokuba - Mr. Green

Bakura & Ryou - Mrs. White

Honda - Mrs. Peacock

Yugi- Ms. Scarlet

"Why the hell do I have to be Mrs. White?"

"Oh! I LOVE Mrs. White!"

"DAMMIT RYOU YOU'RE NOT HELPING! And why does Yugi get his own piece? I want my own piece!"

"Stop complaining Bakura! Don't make me team you up with Honda!" ,everyone looked over at Honda, who was currently chewing on his token, Mrs. Peacock.

"Okay yeah, I'll stop now..."

"Blue tastes like crunchy!"

"Yes, that's very nice Honda..."

After a few grueling minutes of trying to teach Honda the rules, they finally gave up and just started playing. The turns were rather un-eventful, just a few stabbing incidents with the little metal knife, until Honda's turn...

"Okay Honda, just pick up the dice, and drop them, okay?"

"..."

"Wow, Honda can't even hit a giant cardboard board with dice... Oh well, don't know what I was expecting..."

"Okay, you rolled a 8, so now you can move that little blue piece 8 places."

"You mean crunchy?"

"Yes, crunchy, move crunchy 8 places, okay?"

"Ahaha GO FISH!" ,Honda started to clap, but the rest of the group soon realized that he couldn't even hit his own hands together without missing...

"Damn it Bakura, I told you to stop giving him head injuries! He didn't have that many brain cells to start with!"

" But it was a science experiment! You can't yell at me, it was all in the pursuit of science!"

At this point Honda started drooling...

"... Okay, so who's turn is it now?"

Merik choose this time to finally show up, an empty six pack in his arms.

"You guys are playing clue? I wanna play!"

"Okay, let me just make room..."

Bakura kicked Honda in the face, sending him flying backwards.

"Bakura!"

"PURSUIT OF SCIENCE, OKAY?"

Merik sat down in the now-empty space.

"Hey, why is Mrs. Peacock covered in drool and teeth marks?"

"Um... pursuit of science?"

"OMG Bakura, … SHUT… UP! I swear to Ra..."

Yet a few more turns passed...This time with Merik playing as Mrs. Peacock, since Honda was busy twitching on the floor behind him.

"I say Prof. Plum did it in the library with a lead pipe..."

"Wow, the Professor must be pretty lonely..."

"Damn it, stop with the lead pipe jokes Merik!"

"Oh come on, we all know why the pipe's in here... sodomization, oh yeah..."

"Bakura!"

Mokuba tugged on Yami's shirt.

"Yami? What's sodomization?"

"Um… er… It's uh... when you use the lead pipe... to er... set off fireworks! Yeah..."

"Fireworks?"

"Yeah, like...bottle rockets!"

"Yeah, Prof. Plum was putting something in that lead pipe, but it wasn't no bottle rocket..."

"DAMMIT MALIK!"

"Hehehehe..."

Unfortunately, the Yamis' fun was soon cut short, as a high pitched scream interrupted their game...

"Did you hear that?"

"Yeah, sounded like it came from the living room."

"..."

"..."

"...OMFG KAIBA AND JOU!" ,and so the race for the living room began...

Guess you'll just have ta wait until next time, won't you?

Mwahahaha...

'til then...

spiderchick23


	14. A Rude Awakening

Hey! I updated without anyone giving me a death threat! YAY!

Chapter 14 - A Rude Awakening

At the sounds of the screams, everyone tore out running for the living room. Except for Honda, he was still twitching on the floor. Unfortunately, the doorway was nowhere large enough for Malik, Marik, Yugi, Yami, Bakura, Ryou, and Mokuba to all get through at once. Instead of waiting politely like gentlemen should, the result was rather opposite of that…

"DAMMIT, MOVE YOUR FATASS PHARAOH!

"FUCK YOU!"

"GAHH- SOMEONE BIT ME? WHAT THE HELL?"

"ALRIGHT, WHO GRABBED MY ASS?"

This fight is clearly not going to be over for a bit, so why don't we entertain ourselves with a little flashback? Say, five minutes before, in the living room?

-- _Insta flashback_! --

Kaiba groggily opened his eyes, "_Ugh. Why is my head pounding?_" He looked up, only to see a strange sight before him. A pair of Blue-eyes White Dragon boxer shorts were hanging from the ceiling fan. '_Now I could have sworn I was wearing those today… waitaminute… why is there something warm and heavy on top of me?_'

Azure eyes looked up to find soft brown eyes staring at him confusedly. '_Oh shit._'

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

-- _End flashback_! --

Back to the present time…

The fight was over. Everyone had managed to make it out the door, with a few more battle scars to show for it. They slammed open the door to the living room just in time for the main show to start. The sight before them was worth the cuts, scrapes, and molestations they endured to get there.

The room was a mess. Clothing was scattered everywhere. Ryou was pretty sure that was Jonouchi's pants hanging out of the window. However, it was the duelists themselves that drew the most attention. Kaiba was currently covering himself with his trench coat (which he had grabbed from a nearby lampshade) and Jonouchi was trying to cover himself with a pillow that was definitely too small for the job it was assigned... All the while they were screaming at each other.

"WHY THE HELL WERE YOU ON TOP OF ME?"

"WHY ARE YOU NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES?"

"WHY ARE **YOU** NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES?"

"MAYBE I LIKE BEING NUDE!"

"WHY WERE YOU NUDE _ON TOP OF ME?"_

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"OKAY, Okay! We just need to calm down and think this out!"

"You're not being very calm!"

"I'M CALM, DAMMIT!"

The rest of our group was currently enjoying the show before them. Kaiba and Jonouchi didn't even seem to notice them sitting there. Mokuba was even eating a bag of popcorn. Malik noticed the bag of buttery goodness and went for it…

"Dude, hand over the popcorn!"

"What? No, get your own!"

"C'mon, give it!"

Malik and Mokuba were in a tug-of-war contest. However, a bag of popcorn isn't nearly as strong as a rope, and soon exploded under the tension. Popcorn flew everywhere, attracting the attention of the two fighting, and currently nude, duelists. Their heads turned, exorcist-style, towards the group of observers.

"Oh Shit Monkeys…."

"**You…**"

Mokuba could swear that Jonouchi and Kaiba's eyes had turned a pure black. Even without their clothing, they still scared the hell out of him.

"Um….er…."

"**You have something to do with this. I know you do."**

"Ummmm…."

Mokuba wasn't good at lying. And his brother knew it. It was only a matter of time before his glare broke him down….

"Malik-and-Marik-and-Yami-and-Bakura-got-you-drunk-because-they-wanted-to-see-you-two-fuck!"

"MOKUBA YOU LITTLE SNITCH!"

Mokuba was just happy Kaiba wasn't glaring at him anymore. That glare was now directed at the unfortunate people mentioned above…

"Er… I think we need to run now, guys…"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU FUCKTARDS!"

(Insert Egyptian screaming and profanities)

Never before had Mokuba seen a group of yamis and an Egyptian being chased by two naked duelists. He really hoped he'd never have to see it again. Especially since Kaiba and Jonouchi dropped their 'coverings' in their rage. Yugi and Ryou simply stood by in shock, the sound of screaming and enraged yells coming from the floor above.

"So… who wants to play a game?"

Meanwhile, upstairs….

Yami and Malik decided to make a sacrifice, so that two of them could escape from the death that was chasing them. In other words, Yami and Malik 'sacrificed' Marik and Bakura by tripping them. It worked. Kaiba and Jonouchi had Marik and Bakura pinned to the floor, whereas Yami and Malik had escaped, unscathed. Bakura and Marik weren't too happy about this.

"YOU STUPID PHARAOH, I'LL GET YOU BACK FOR THIS!"

"Malik? YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! -_sob_-"

Kaiba and Jonouchi were very happy though. They were going to make them pay. Yami and Malik were just going to have to wait until later. Until then, they could focus on the prey before them… Jonouchi cracked his knuckles in anticipation.

"OH GAWD NOT THE FACE!"

"Can't you two at least put pants on first?"

Jou and Kaiba looked down and realized their little situation. They were straddling two other men while completely naked. This did not look right at all…

"AH DAMMIT!"

They both ran for their bedrooms. Pants came before revenge. However, before they left, Jonouchi turned around…

"You two are SO dead when I'm not naked!"

And with that, they ran off, trying as hard as they could not to emberrass themselves more than they already did…

Yami and Malik came back to check on the 'sacrifices' as soon as they knew the danger had passed. Bakura was simply staring out in space, traumatized at the fact that he had seen more of Kaiba than he had ever wanted to see. Marik was curled in the fetal position, sobbing. Malik walked up and prodded him with his toe.

"Marik? Marik, are you- AHH!"

Marik attacked Malik's leg, clinging to him like the end of the world was upon them.

"It… was… on… me… IT WAS ON ME! -_sob_-"

"C'mon Marik, lets go get you some beer…"

Malik walked out of the room, dragging Marik with him, as he didn't seem to want to let go of his leg. This left Yami alone in the room with Bakura.

"Er… Hey there Bakura. How ya' doing?"

"I'm going to molest you in your sleep, Pharaoh."

"… shit."

Yami knew Bakura would keep his word, too. Hell, he did it to Otogi once just because he took the hotel room he wanted…

--_Scene change_!--

Kaiba had just gotten done getting dressed. He was looking out the window, still angry, but more focused on trying to figure out what just happened. '_Why did they choose me and Jonouchi? Surely Yami and Yugi would have been a better choice, easier to get together. Yami clearly has a crush on Yugi, yet me and Jonouchi have been enemies for as long as I can remember. Unless… Is Jonouchi hiding something?' _Kaiba shook his head, getting rid of those thoughts. He could think later. For now, he was going to take out his anger on the first Yami he found. Though, an Egyptian would make a good punching bag, too… He headed out to the hallway, a small smirk on his face as he thought about the things he was going to do to his soon-to-be victims…

Jonouchi had also finished getting dressed, but his mind was focused on something far less serious. Mainly, his last pair of clean boxers was currently hanging of a bookcase downstairs. '_Oh well. Goin' commando ain't so bad. Feels kinda free…_' With a smile, Jonouchi headed out to the hallway to start his hunt for the Yamis and that annoying Egyptian. this was going to be fun…

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this is a reference to DJkouji-slice's story, Island Resort. If you're bored, you should give it a read…

I think we've been picking on Kaiba and Jou too much. Next chapter is Malik, Marik, Yami, and Bakura's turn. -_wink wink_-

Until then…

Spiderchick23


	15. Akward

-1I'm bored. So I decided to make a long chapter for once! Yay, I'm not going to half-ass it for once!

AKA it's about 500 words more than usual. Heheh... (sweat drop)

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO scene change.

6 p.m., second day at the mansion.

**Awkward**

1. Clumsy

2. Ungraceful

3. Difficult to explain : embarrassing

4. Difficult to deal with

'_Well, it sure as hell isn't the first two' ,_Kaiba thought to himself as he walked out the door. For there, right down the hall from him, Jonouchi stood. The man Kaiba had just seen completely nude running down the hall. And the very person who also saw Kaiba completely nude running down the hall.

They both just stood there for a few minutes, looking at each other in silence. Jonouchi could barely stand it, for he wasn't one for quiet situations. He had never gone to church for that very reason. _'OMG DO SOMETHING, I CAN'T TAKE THIS! Just say something, anything! Come on, Jonouchi, you can think of something! Kaiba sure as hell isn't going to make the first move!' _

"Um… so… nice tattoo, by the way. Was that a blue eyes? It was sorta low on your back though, kinda on your ass." '_OH GOD WHY DID I JUST SAY THAT? THINK BEFORE YOU TALK JONOUCHI!_'

"… Why were you looking at my ass, mutt?"

"Umumum, NO REASON!"

'_Oh no. not more silence. ICAN'TTAKETHISANYMORE!' ,_Jonouchi took off running down the hall, past Kaiba.

"I'mgoingtolookforeveryoneBYE!"

Before Kaiba could even reply, Jonouchi was gone, flying down the stairs like a little kid running from a flu shot. '_That was weird. It does seem to support my theory, though. Hmmmm…' _Kaiba headed downstairs, pondering that little question in his head, '_Is Jonouchi gay? Well, I'll just have to find out…_' Then the memory of the past few minutes popped into his head. _'First I kill the Yamis and Egyptian, then I start my experiment, mwahahaha..._' rubbing his hands together in glee at the different forms of pain he would inflict upon them, he headed for the kitchen. After all, if Malik and Marik were to hide anywhere, more than likely it would be near their beloved booze...

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOoOoOoO

_-sob- "_I'm scared, Malik!"

"Quiet! They'll hear us! I'd rather not have my face mutilated, okay Marik?"

_-sob- -sniffle- -snort-_

Malik and Marik had chosen to hide in the place they felt safest: their (now empty) beer kegs. Unfortunately for Malik, Kaiba had already heard them and knew where they were hiding. For he had walked into the kitchen to find two kegs sitting in the middle of the floor, one of which kept sobbing every now and then. He stood there for a bit, trying to think of a way to punish them. It wasn't long before he remembered that the back yard was nothing but a steep hill, ending in a forest full of thorn bushes. _'Heheh... this is going to be fun.' _

Kaiba spent the next few minutes dragging the kegs out the back door with a sadistic grin on his face. Malik and Marik kept silent except for a few 'eeps' muttered here and there. With one last push, he managed to get both kegs situated at the top of the hill. With one last smile, he gave the kegs the final kick needed to get them flying down the hill at top speed. A muffled high pitched scream could be heard from one of the kegs.

"SEE YOU IN HELL JACKASSES, AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Seto ran back inside, so happy at the Egyptian's demise he was almost skipping. _'Time for the next victim... Mwahahaha!_'

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Of course, Jonouchi was also on the prowl for a victim. Unfortunately for Bakura, he sucks at hiding. But Bakura's a thief, right? He should be good at hiding. Well, back in Egypt he simply used his ka, Diabound, to make himself invisible. Not to mention, most of the people in the pharaoh's palace were inbred hicks in order to 'preserve the bloodline', so it wasn't that hard to sneak past them anyway. Here in modern times, Bakura was fucked when it came to hiding. He had never even played a game of hide and seek.

And that's how Jonouchi found him. He was 'hiding' (if you could call it that) in the hallway, holding a potted plant in front of his face.

"Dude, Bakura, I can see you."

"No you can't. I can't see you, so you can't see me!"

"You're hiding behind a fucking houseplant, Bakura."

"... Shit. Um… Um… plan B! ESCAPE ROUTE!"

Bakura threw his potted plant at Jonouchi and took a running jump towards the near-by window. Glass flew everywhere, and he was gone. The only trace left of him was a moaning voice from the window.

"Roses… why are their rose bushes outside the window? …I HAVE THORNS IN MY ASS!"

"Um..."

Jonouchi decided he was just going to go look for Yami now.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOoOoOoO

At the same time, Kaiba was walking back to the house, only to see Bakura come flying out of a first-story window. Just for good measure, Kaiba ran up and kicked him. He left Bakura sobbing in the bushes and went back inside. '_Three down, one to go!_'

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo oOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Jonouchi didn't have to look very hard for Yami. The next room he entered, there he was, hiding behind Yugi and Mokuba.

"You are SO dead Yami."

"I'm not Yami, he is!"

"Dude, I'm not mistaking Yugi for you, you're like a foot taller, Yami."

"HOW COULD YOU USE ME AS A SCAPEGOAT YAMI?"

Yugi ran out of the room sobbing. Mokuba just stood there, looking back and forth between Yami and Jonouchi. With one last look at Yami, he started to walk out of the room.

"Dude, you're on your own, I'm not getting involved in this."

"Mokuba! You can't leave me here! I'm, I'm… I'M YOUR FATHER!"

"Alright, fine. You're Gozuburo. I hate you and you deserve to die. Have a nice life."

With that, Mokuba left the room.

With no options left, Yami started praying to Ra. A second later, a lightning bolt hit outside the window.

"Eheh… Why does everyone hate me?" _-sob-_

Jonouchi moved in for the kill. Yami's eyes grew wide in horror...

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Kaiba was walking down a hallway only to see Yugi run out of a room sobbing. Soon after, Mokuba walked out. Kaiba ran up to him.

"Hey Mokuba, what's going on in there?"

"Oh, Jonouchi is about to kill Yami, that's all."

"Damn, he beat me to it?"

At that moment, a high pitched scream echoed from the room Mokuba had just exited from.

"NO, NOT A PURPLE NURPLE! AHHHH!"

Kaiba and Mokuba stared at the door in wonder.

"Well, I think he's doing a better job than I would have. Come on Mokuba, lets watch Malik and Marik try to crawl out of the patch of thorns in the back..."

oOoO later that night OoOo

Everyone was gathered in the living room. Kaiba, Mokuba, and Jonouchi were watching TV. Bakura was on the floor and Ryou was on top of him, pulling thorns out of his butt, Yami was on his knees, begging Yugi to forgive him, and Malik and Marik were on the floor next to Bakura, trying to pull their own thorns out.

"Wow, this day has been amazing!"

"... Running around naked was amazing to you, Jonouchi?"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! But it was kinda fun... maybe I'll do it more often..."

"Not around me, mutt."

"Wasn't planning on it, rich boy. Just don't do it around me, I'd rather not see your blue eyes again, and I ain't talking about the one on your ass either."

"First, you were staring at my ass. Now it's my... _ahem_... 'dragon'. I'll ask you to stop molesting me with your eyes, Jonouchi."

"But I... that wasn't... I didn't mean... SHUT UP KAIBA!"

"Heheheh..."

Of course, Mokuba was watching this whole exchange. Not only did he notice that Jonouchi was looking a little to closely at Seto's 'assets', but it almost seemed that Kaiba was flirting back.

"YAY, MY PLAN IS WORKING, MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Quiet, Mokuba. I'm trying to watch TV."

"Sorry nii-sama."

"Ahh, who am I kidding, I'm not watching TV. I'm watching Bakura get thorns pulled out of his ass."

"Ah, shove it Kaiba, OW! Ryou, careful, don't damage the merchandise!"

"Sorry, Bakura! It was a big thorn..."

"Bakura doesn't have a big thorn ahaha!"

"Shut up Marik!"

"Eh, that's it, I'm going to bed, I've lost interest in this."

"Goodnight, nii-sama!"

"Yeah, 'night asshole! OW!"

Kaiba stepped on Bakura on his way out.

" 'Night to you too, Bakura. Heheh..."

Truth is, Kaiba wasn't going to bed out of boredom. He needed time to figure out the little experiment he was going to play on Jonouchi. See, he was starting to get bored staying at this house, and he needed something to keep his attention. What better to do than to fuck with Jonouchi's head a bit? After his peculiar behavior earlier today, he thought It'd be quite fun... _'I'll set my plan into motion tonight. Mwahaha..._' With a grin, he headed into his bedroom, his head filled with all the ideas he was going to use on Jonouchi...


End file.
